As I approach the last couple of days of my bread-free month, I realise that I have not actually found it that difficult. Same with when I did the chocolate ban in 2010 - it wasn't that tough. I think that in February, I have maybe had two instances where I "quite fancied" a bacon roll, or the other one was cheese on toast. Other than that, it has been fairly easy, I am quite happy with myself!
However, I fear that when I am "allowed" the bread again, I will overdo it. I don't want to do that! If in January can quite happily survive with no crisps, why do I feel the need in February to buy multipacks, and "share-sized" bags of Sensations, which, since I have no-one to share with, I eat all myself. I don't seem to be able to cut back, only ban stuff. If I could get the hang of little bits here and there, I don't think I would have an issue. However I do have an issue and that is finding that "stop" signal, and listening to it. Actively stopping myself eating. Maybe the root of it all, is stopping myself shopping. If I don't buy the things, I can't eat them.? Something to think about I guess.
Going forward I think I wll do a day-by-day breakdown of what I have eaten, whether I have enjoyed it, and whether it has filled me up. Why I ate it. Psychologically, something isn't right. I know I am not eating healthily and doing myself no favours. I know I need to get a grip again before I do myself some serious damage.
Biker's mate has announced that his partner is expecting a baby. Whilst I don't actually want one now, as the time is not right and I am in no fit shape to have a child, I cannot stop thinking that the longer I am in this state, the harder I am making things for myself and any possible family in the future... This saddens me...
It is really difficult to say no to junk at the moment. I feel terrible. I'm not usually a vain person, but this allergy is making me verge on depression. It took me 2 hours to pluck up the guts to go to work on friday, I just feel so uncomfortable. This isn't pleasant but I have cuts and bruises everywhere from scratching. The worst bits are my sides at my waist, my groin is black with bruises, my armpits, the top half of my arms, and my right thigh. My tummy is pretty bad, and my chest, my boobs are so so sore and itchy at the same time. Peeling skin and red blotches. Hey, it could be worse - this is just words, I could have photos up :P
Time to get a grip please Jenny. It's your life, sort it out chick...
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